It took me loosing my father to realize how out of whack my priorities were! Prior to him passing I was so caught up in the rat race of life and growing my business that I was struggling to be present for the people who mattered the most, my family. Sure my body was physically there for school pick ups, practices, dinner time, etc., but my mind was sadly someplace else. I was constantly wondering how I could connect with more clients, network, and build my social media following that I was half-assing everything else around me. It was mentally draining, I was short tempered, and felt disconnected with my children.

Unfortunately they didn't see it that way. They only saw the mom who was putting everyone's needs before theirs. It breaks my heart just thinking about it! These little humans didn't care about the extra objects we were able to afford with me working or the fun vacations we got to go on -they just wanted me to be present when I was with them. Kids are pretty simple creatures, it's adults that overcomplicate things. I'm totally guilty of this! We want so badly to give them the childhood we never had, but is that really what's best for them? This season of childhood is so brief and we only get one chance to raise them right. I had to learn to set boundaries, stop spreading myself so thin for others,  and prioritize so I can be present for the ones that matter the most -the ones that will be standing around my deathbed. Geez... sorry if that got real deep real fast, but that's what I recently experienced when we gathered around my Dad's bedside. He didn't care about anything else, all he wanted was his children and my mom to be with him.  

So here it is guys... the holy grail... the systems that helped me take charge of my life and get a grip on motherhood over the last few months! Get your notebooks out, pin this page,  however you want to save it because this is literally months worth of information crammed into one blog post! I plan to break this up into bite size pieces, but this is for you "goal getters" that want to get ahead! I would recommend taking action on one section at a time so you don't feel overwhelmed. Remember this is to save your sanity, not cause more stress :) If you're ready to lighten your load then allow me to introduce you to Jordan Page (blogger/youtuber), Allie Casazza (blogger/podcaster), and Charlene Johnson (all of the above). There's no way I could explain it any better than these ladies who created them, so I tried to make your life a bit easier by gathering and organizing the videos and podcasts that worked for me. For the record I get absolutely nothing for sharing this, only the pure satisfaction of knowing I did everything in my power to help a sista out :) That's it!

"It's worth spending the time to create more time in your life!" ​

This section helped me learn exactly how to unplug from the outside world, prioritize the things that mean the most to me, take action on being more present, and build boundaries to protect my precious time. It has gotten rid of the horrible mom guilt that most of us struggle with. Leave a comment below if you want to see my personal daily routines :) 
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• PHONE SETTINGS FOR A PRESENT LIFE
• CREATE A PEACEFUL HOME

• CREATING EARLY MORNING ROUTINES

• CREATING A EVENING ROUTINE

• MOM GUILT
• WORKING MOM GUILT​

Not just your home, but your mental space too! This one was definitely a favorite, you get to purge your life from things you no longer need and give to those who will have better use for it. I got my whole family on board and my boys surprisingly donated 3 large black garbage bags full of old clothes, shoes, and toys to children who need it more. It was a great lesson for them and it has definitely lightened our cleaning load with less junk to clean and organize!  
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• AN UNCLUTTERED LIFE

• THE BEGINNING TO DECLUTTERING

• HARD THINGS TO DECLUTTER

• DECLUTTERING WITH YOUR KIDS

I thought I was already pretty organized with my long to-do lists and handy dandy calendar, but boy was I wrong!!! These systems are pretty amazing but that Block system is golden! Freakin Golden!!! If you don't watch any of these clips please just watch the block system! Trust me, you'll thank me later! I now have a set schedule that gives me freedom to spend more time with my kiddos (equals less mom guilt), squeeze in date nights, accept the season of life that we're in, while working at home. I even get "me" time to actually sit and read a book and even exercise 6 days a week! Say Whatttt!!!! Yeah, Who the heck am I!?!  Leave a comment below if you want to see my personal block system and cleaning routine!  
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• BLOCK SYSTEM 
• DIVIDE DUTIES
• TO DO LISTS
• SIMPLE LAUNDRY ROUTINE
• CLEANING SYSTEMS 
• HOW TO MEAL PLAN
• PLANNING YOUR YEAR OUT IN ADVANCE 

Parenting is tricky, we all have our own ideas of what good parenting looks like. I think I could speak for most of us all when I say we all want what's best for our children. We want to raise them to be confident self sufficient humans who can thrive in this crazy world -and it all starts at home! Now that we have less clutter in our house it's much easier to keep a clean house and the kids are doing most of the house work, umm come again... yes!!! my kids have learned how to clean the entire house from scrubbing the toilets to folding the laundry! I've had to suppress my OCD and accept that it won't be as good as mom, but the important thing is that they're learning these essential life skills. Their wives will thank me later hahah! 
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• BE A BETTER PARENT
• BEHAVIOR CHART
• HOW TO GET YOUR KIDS TO STOP FIGHTING 
• EASY CHORE SYSTEM FOR KIDS
• POSITIVE WORDS FOR YOUR CHILDREN
• CHORE SYSTEM FOR SUMMER BREAK
• HOW TO RAISE UNPLUGGED KIDS

• RAISING MINIMALISTIC KIDS​
• WHAT EVERY PARENT NEEDS IN THEIR CAR 
• LIFE HACKS FOR LITTLES

• EASY KIDS SNACK AND LUNCH SYSTEM

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Oh that word gives me anxiety and has caused plenty of arguments, but it's totally necessary, especially if you need to get out of debt, save for a new home, survive on one income, or just live a fun full life while preparing for the future! It's totally worth the time and headache to sit down and organize your bills, once you create your system it'll become second nature. We realized how much money we were wasting and cut out the things that were no longer important to us, which then allowed us to pay off bills quicker and start multiple savings accounts! Win Win! Now we can save money for trips, home improvements, hobbies, etc.! 
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• SIMPLEST BUDGETING TIP EVER

• 7 BANK ACCOUNTS EVERY FAMILY SHOULD HAVE

I hope ya'll find these tips as helpful as I did. I was in a very dark place when I began this self improvement journey and nothing helps with grief then focusing on what truly matters in life. It honestly feels like I got to press the restart button! The old ways were leaving me overwhelmed, stressed out and cranky, but over the last few months of applying these systems I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest! We're nowhere near perfect, and we're not trying to be! We just want to live a good full life and this feels right for us! Trust me these things are worth trying! If you love it, let me know! If you hate it, let me know too! Life is about sharing whats worked for you in hopes to help others, RIGHT!?! There's enough goodness to go around! ​Make sure to share this blog post with other mamas you love so you can help lighten their load! They'll love you for it!!! 

Event Coordinator | Trisha Haner
Wedding Venue |  Carondelet House
Florals | The Little Branch
Catering |  Tres LA
Bakery | Susies Cakes
Wedding Dress | Willowby - Galatea
Seamstress | Williamsburgseamster
Wedding Shoes | Rachel Simpson - Olivia Wedding Shoe
Bride's Hair & Makeup | Hair - Jaymie Emerson / Makeup - BeGlammed - Edith
Groom Apparel | Rocky's Custom Clothes
Bridesmaids Dresses | The Dress Corner
Musician/ Dj | Dart Collective - Ian
Videography | Jordan Miller
Photo Booth | Asma and Patrick Dodough
Nails | Nail Swag - done by Gina freshclaws ​
Photographer | Janelle Marina Photography

Every time I sit down to share changes we've made to our family, I can't help but think nearly 3 months ago my whole world came crumbling down. I never told you exactly how it happened because I couldn't gather the right words. Gosh, I still don't have the right words, so bare with me. Before I can move forward I need to pay homage to my poor Dad who recently lost his life, after a ridiculously short 6 week battle with cancer. Seeing that all of these changes wouldn't have happened if I wasn't grieving him. 

So let’s start from the beginning… grab your cup of coffee, a box of tissue, and lets dive right in... 

The photo below was taken on November 4th, only 4 days before we found out that my Dad had cancer. The baby was sick, the boys were naked, the lighting was all off (a photographers nightmare), but for some reason I had this weird feeling to snap a quick photo before he left our home that night. If you ever have that strange urge, just go with it! It's better safe then sorry. This will be the last photo that my kids have of just them with their grandpa. 

This past summer we noticed that my Dad was starting to look a little thinner, we thought he was just aging, never in our wildest dreams would we think he was deathly ill. This guy was the healthiest man we knew -he exercised everyday, ate clean, and was still so youthful! He did have this lingering cough that started in June and we noticed it was getting worse -to the point he couldn't get a word out without having a coughing attack. Doctors had been running tests for months, and finally approved a CAT scan. On November 8th we received the news, he had cancer. We wouldn't know for certain what type or what stage until a Biopsy was taken the following week.
 
We were all in total SHOCK! Even so, we remained hopeful that the cancer would be in a early stage to fight. We know many survivors and we knew for sure he was going to be a survivor!

Those 2 weeks of waiting were the longest weeks of our lives! My Pops health took a quick turn for the worst. He was in excruciating pain, to the point he had to be bedridden. Things weren't looking good. He was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer (gastrointestinal), it had already spread to his lungs (causing his cough), and was quickly taking over his spine (leaving him unable to walk). 
 
This was all happening too fast to process! How could it already be at stage 4? Since when is a cough a symptom of cancer!?!
 
But wait, there's more... the following week we received news that it was TERMINAL, and they predicted he'd only have months to weeks to live! 

Within a period of 5 weeks my Dad found out that he didn't have much longer in this world! 

Imagine being told you have less than two months to live. What would you do with the time you have left?

Now imagine you were in too much pain to get out of bed and can't do any of those things!

Pretty shitty, right!?! 

The days were long and the weeks were short. My Dad was a warrior through it all. He was given medications to manage his pain so he could live the rest of his days in peace. Oh how I wish they had worked for him sooner than later! When the CBD didn't work, we turned to Morphine. After that kicked in, so did the insomnia and hallucinations! This was the scariest thing I've ever experienced and unbearable to witness. The Fentanyl Patch was our final option, it seemed to finally ease his pain for the last week of his life. 

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Yep! That’s really how fast it went! My Dad’s battle with cancer lasted a whopping 6.5 WEEKS! Exactly 46 DAYS! 
 
He never got to "live like he was dying"! Check off anything from his bucket list! 
This man worked his butt off his whole life and never got to retire and enjoy it!
He celebrated his last birthday in bed surrounded by his family.

And just like that he’s gone! Leaving behind his family who'll miss him more than he’ll ever know! 
 
​Somehow through all of this... I’m thankful. 
 
Thankful I had the chance to grow closer to my Dad in the last 6 weeks of his life than we’d ever been. 
Thankful I got to see a beautiful patient, loving, forgiving side of my Dad that I never knew.
Thankful that he held on just long enough for ALL of his children and grandchildren to be together for one last Christmas celebration together. 
Thankful that I got to tell him how much I loved him, and appreciated the valuable lessons he taught us.
Thankful I got to kiss him goodbye and hold him for one last time! 

So there it is... our story in a nutshell. It definitely doesn’t do justice to the nightmare we lived. There were so many things that happened in between. It was the shortest and yet the longest thing I've ever experienced. It sounds confusing because it was! Like slowly ripping off the most painful bandaid, but never wanting it to end because that just meant he'd be gone. Movies never prepared me for this side of cancer. 

He never lost any of his hair. Never had a chance to get chemo. He never had a chance to fight. 

This whole process has totally changed my perspective on cancer and how fast it can take away a life. It leaves everyone feeling so helpless as you sit there watching your loved one lose every ounce of strength till there's nothing left.  

My Dad took his last breath on Christmas Eve morning. Even though we knew this day was coming, there was NOTHING we could've done to prepare us for the pain we were about to endure. 

I completely checked out from the world, crawled into my little shell of a home, and grieved.  
 
Oh boy did I grieve!
 
I felt ache in places I’ve never felt before! Physically, mentally, emotionally. I lost complete control over my feelings, my family, my home, my routines, my health, you name it! I felt lost, empty, and alone (even though I had everyone around me). I learned you can never really prepare to live without someone forever. To never hear their voice, feel their warm embrace, smell their scent. Breaks my heart over and over again. But I have faith that we’ll meet again! 

Wow that was intense! My shirt is drenched in tears and snot! Yuck! 

I'm not trying to get your sympathy, y'all have shown me more than enough love during this hard time! I'm just hoping that sharing my heart can allow us to connect on a deeper level than just the snippets you see on social media! If you've been feeling shitty lately, dealing with hard times, feeling like your life has fallen apart -this is for you! Please know you're not alone! It will get better. I felt like I was losing my mind, I'd be in mid conversation, then BOOM! I'd break down into tears out of nowhere! Thankfully these outbursts have reduced over time. The hurt may never completely go away, but eventually you'll be able to function again. I could sugar coat it, but grief is a B*tch! There's no way around it! The pain is so intense! It’s a process and I know I have a long road ahead. 

Here are 5 ways I was able to grieve in peace... 

1. Being around people who felt my pain. It was rough seeing life go on like normal for other people. I had to get off social media and just focus on my “real life” and be around those who were also hurting.  
2. 100 day detox from alcohol. I was already an emotional wreck, I didn't need alcohol to enhance those feelings. I wanted to be clear in my head, feel the raw emotions, and face them head on. I feel like it definitely helped me process. Only 26 more days until I treat myself to a jalapeño margarita! 
3. Reevaluated what’s important to me. I realized that if I'm lucky enough to live to see my 62nd birthday there's so much I want to see and do --more importantly the solid relationships I need to nourish with my family. Don't wait to enjoy your life after retirement or when your children are older, because those days may never come! No one is promised tomorrow, how do you want to be remembered by the people who matter the most? 
4. It’s never too late to start over from scratch. When something doesn't feel quite right, change it! NOW! 
5. Found ways to be more Present, Prioritized and Productive in myself and my family life. I came across some great tips I applied in our home that made some big changes over here and I can't wait to share them with you in upcoming posts! 

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If you made it to the end of this very long post, you're sooo AWESOME! Thank you so much for your love and support! 

xox,
​Janelle

After chatting it up with Shasity, via instagram, I knew she was one of my dream brides! No wonder Chris put a ring on it! She is just a light hearted soul and Chris is her perfect match. After dating for 10 years they've decided that this is the perfect time to have their dream wedding at the Grand Tradition in Fallbrook, and I can't wait to capture every second of it! You know the love is real when you ask your bride to look at her "future husband" and she breaks into tears of joy! It was seriously the CUTEST thing ever!!!  

They chose the beautiful Walt Disney Concert Hall for their engagement session. This was my first time there and boy was it swarming with photographers. Luckily by the time we started shooting it started to clear out, so we were able to get some great shots! Here are some of my favorites... 

​Thank you so much Shasity & Chris for choosing me to document your love story, I can't wait for your wedding this August!! xo!